Monday, October 20, 2008

does marriage work?

i did it. i changed my status to "in a relationship". at first i wasn't really okay with it and talked to Bison about it. he was really sweet and said that he didn't want me to do anything that i wasn't comfortable with. but i took the leap and did it. now i'm actually feeling pretty good about it. lets just hope this feeling stays...

i was sick all weekend and even stayed home from work today. when people find out i'm sick, they say, "you're ALWAYS sick". well i wonder why...could it be because i constantly have 4 years olds sneezing and coughing in my face? or because it's on a rare occasion that they actually use a kleenex when they have something in their nose? or the fact that they seem to always forget to wash their hands? ugh...really people. i hate missing work, it makes me feel guilty and way behind on things, especially with parent/teacher conferences coming up.

over the weekend, i got a drunk text from an ex, who is now married. i dated him for like a month about 4 years ago when i was on a break from the Long Term Relationship. he was a nice guy, it ended because i decided to get back together with the ex. needless to say a couple months after we dated, Married guy moved to a different town. throughout the last 4 years, every couple months i would get random text messages from him saying he missed me and that he still thought about me all the time. i found out through friends that he eventually moved in with his girlfriend. when i asked him about it he said it "was for financial reasons only". okay, whatever. then i find out he's engaged, which he would never mention over his random 'miss you' texts. in july, he texted me saying he missed me and that he was at a bachelor party. well to find out, it was his bachelor party. a month later, he got married. i thought that would have been the last time i heard from him. but i was wrong. very early sunday morning i get a text message:

Married guy: Hey

Me: Hey, what's up?

MG: Nothing, I'm wasted.

Me: I figured as much, since you're texting me.

MG: Sorry for contacting you. I shouldn't have.

Me: Why?

MG: I'm married!! (let me remind you, he has never mentioned his engagement, or marriage in all the late-night 'miss you' texts)

Me: Then you should be apologizing to you WIFE, not me.

MG: Sorry for contacting you. My bad.

Me: Yea, your bad. Please delete my number.

MG: Later.

i don't get some people!! i haven't even seen this guy in 4 years, or led him on in any way, shape or form. at one point a couple years ago after some late night texts, i e-mailed him saying i would not be friends with him unless his girlfriend knew about it. he obviously didn't understand that. i feel bad for his wife, she probably has no clue how he has randomly texted me the last couple of years. he's a douche.

things like that happening is why i'm unsure if i even believe in marriage. some people are shady and very untrustworthy. that's my fear, that i will be married and my husband would cheat. in my Long Term Relationship, i got cheated on all the time. it was horrible. i always thought i could get past it and forgive and forget, but in reality that never happened. i just see so many relationships end because of people being unfaithful. Bison was married for about 2 years (i think), his wife cheated on him. i think it's amazing how he's willing to put his all into another relationship and be so trusting and to still believe in marriage. i was just in a shitty relationship and i'm not sure i believe in it. my parents got divorced when i was about 4, my sister got divorced after 1.5 years of marriage, my college roommate got divorced after 1 year on marriage...she's now 25, with one kid and on her second marriage. i honestly think i will be okay if i never walk down that aisle. i don't know, maybe someday someone will prove to me that marriage does actually work...


Keep moving forward said...

wow..congrats on changing your status. I didn't realize it was getting serious.. I mean...uh. Sorry if I just gave you a mini panic attack. I'm happy for you, and although I would hate to admit it, you have to put yourself out there sometimes otherwise you'll never know. You might miss something with a great guy; or it will be a complete dud.
Here's a little of my Friends therapy for you--
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right? But it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know? Face your fear. You have a fear of heights? You go to the top of the building. You're afraid of bugs? Get a bug, right? In this case, you have a fear of commitment. So I say you go in there and be the most committed guy* there ever was.

Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man! Jump off the high dive. Stare down the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!

Chandler: Yeah. Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm gonna be pretty much peeing every which way.


Live For Today said...

I totally feel ya on the marriage thing. My parents are still married, but I would never want a marriage like theirs. Marriage does not equal happiness imo. A friend once told me though, "If we don't open ourselves up to the possibility of having our hearts broken, are we ever really living?"