Wednesday, October 29, 2008

little annoyances...

i live with my sister (K.) and her boyfriend. (D). it's a pretty good situation: i have the downstairs all to myself and K. is always cooking for me and taking care of me, and it's pretty cheap rent. although...

she can't seem to EVER put shit away. we do have to share the kitchen so this is a problem. for example, i come home today and the dishwasher is unloaded BUT all of the dam dishes from it are sitting on the counter. really?! like it's so hard to reach that extra 2 feet and put them in the cupboard?

or somebody will eat crackers or peanuts and when they are finished they leave them on the counter. so annoying!! walk the extra foot and put them back in the pantry!!

i clean up after children all day long, the last thing i want to do is come home and clean up after my 28 year old sister and her 29 year old boyfriend. perhaps i need to give them a lesson on "how to be responsible"...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

laid back weekend


Bison got here like at 6 and i made him supper. it was a huge success...i didn't burn the house down and nobody got sick.

we had a good conversation about the distance thing. i told him i was scared to put too much time or feelings into this. he said he completely understood and saw my point of view. he agreed with me but also said that he wants me in his life. i said that it would be easier to end things now than a year from now. he once again agreed with me and once again said he still wanted me in his life. i told him i would never move to where he's too big of place, it's too cold (yes, i understand this is ND and everywhere is cold, but on the east side of the state it is at least 10 degrees colder), it's too far away from my family and i think it's more of a party/college city. i told him i wouldn't even move there for him, because i know i would grow to resent him for it. he said he would move to where i live, but he just got this new job that is paying him outrageously well. i can't expect him to give that up for my $20,000 a year job. he asked if i just wanted to end it now....when he said that i got a pit in my stomach and made me super sad. i'm not ready to not have him in my life. i told him that we should give it 3 months of not talking or thinking about it and then see where things are then. he thought that was a good idea. and it may be kinda dumb to do that, but i really enjoy his company, he makes me laugh and most importantly i'm not annoyed with him. no point in stressing about it now, i just am going to take it one day at a time.

i'm amazed that i'm in a healthy relationship where i can have an adult conversation. what i mean by this is that i can say my thoughts and feelings about anything and i don't get belittled for it or yelled at for Long Term Relationship i once had was like that. i feel i can say anything to Bison and he actually listens to me...not just goes "uh huh, yea". he responds and asks questions about things.

Friday night we watched The Strangers. keeps you on your seat and definitely scary, but a dumb ending.


we lounged around,watched a movie, went for a walk and then went to the corn maze with my co-workers that night. it was okay but really cold and windy. after that Bison and i went to a bar and my sister, her boyfriend of some others met us there. he got pretty drunk and i wasn't even annoyed with him. i didn't drink a whole lot, i'm still not feeling good.


we just hung out all sister made us breakfast and supper. i live in the basement of my sister and boyfriends house. everyone got along great and we all watched football together. it was a nice, relaxing day...Bison just left and i'm already kinda missing him. it's weird to actually want to be around someone and not get irritated with them. i don't even know the last time i hung out with a guy who didn't bother the shit out of me. it's kinda a nice feeling...

Friday, October 24, 2008

good times are soon to be had!!

i got some great news last BFF, numero uno C accepting a job here and is moving in 3 weeks! and, she found a place to live about 7 blocks away. i am pumped. C is the bestest pal a gal can ask for. she always knows what to say at the right time. she is the only person i can tell ANYTHING to and i know she won't judge me for it. i'm so excited that we'll be living in the same town again!

C and i can have fun doing anything. one time, C, me and Darlene* had fun drinking wine and playing shower pictionary (fully clothed). one person would open the dictionary and randomly find a word then draw a picture of it in the shower with bath crayons while the other two would sit on the floor and try to guess what it was. i don't like to toot my own horn or anything, but i did get to take the bragging rights of winning home on the one (toot, toot). it may sound dumb, but in ND sometimes we have to make our own fun.

Bison will be here tonight. i am going to attempt to make him supper. i don't cook, so it should be interesting. i feel like i owe it to him. last time i was there he made me supper and breakfast, which was awesome. he's a great cook...which makes me all the more nervous to make something for him. oh well, if he doesn't like it, he'll just have to deal with it.

* Darlene is girl who C and i used to hang out with. we all were like the 3 musketeers and even got matching tattoos on our foot. Darlene then moved to the Minnesota and changed completely. she has been through ND on her way back to her hometown numerous times in the last year, and has not once bothered to call. i haven't talked to her in over a year, and now Darlene is pulling some shit on C and C is getting tired of it. it's really sad, because us three had an amazing friendship (or so i thought) and i have no idea what went wrong with it. i hope if i did anything to offend Darlene that she would have told me. oh well...people come into your life for a reason or a season. i guess she was just the season....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

i love not working...

at times, i really like being a teacher. take today and tomorrow for example, i don't work while the rest of the world is hard at it. we get the days off for teacher training, and i put in a whole 5 hours today listening to a lady talk about signs of sexual abuse. it actually was really interesting, but disturbing at the same time. last year we had a case at our school and weren't sure how to handle it. here to find out, we did everything we were supposed to do.

i teach at a Montessori school, which is private. there are only 4 classrooms with like 100 kids in the whole school. it has it perks like having summers, holidays, and weekends off. Then again, the pay sucks big time which is why i occasionally fill in at a bar when necessary. is it really that wrong to be a teacher AND a barmaid? anyway, it'll be nice to have to day off tomorrow to run errands, clean and take a nap.

bison will be here tomorrow night...i'm pretty excited to see him. not so sure where this "relationship" is going though. he just got a new job offer that he accepted today. he mentioned that he could see himself at that company for the rest of his life. i am extremely happy for him, as it was a 20% pay raise.

we live 2.5 hours away from each other. i don't have any desire to ever move to the city he lives in and he clearly isn't going anywhere in the future. i know i shouldn't think so far into the future (or like i always say "put the cart before the horse") but what's the point of even getting involved with someone if you never will live in the same town as them? maybe i should have thought about this relationship thing a little bit better....

Monday, October 20, 2008

does marriage work?

i did it. i changed my status to "in a relationship". at first i wasn't really okay with it and talked to Bison about it. he was really sweet and said that he didn't want me to do anything that i wasn't comfortable with. but i took the leap and did it. now i'm actually feeling pretty good about it. lets just hope this feeling stays...

i was sick all weekend and even stayed home from work today. when people find out i'm sick, they say, "you're ALWAYS sick". well i wonder why...could it be because i constantly have 4 years olds sneezing and coughing in my face? or because it's on a rare occasion that they actually use a kleenex when they have something in their nose? or the fact that they seem to always forget to wash their hands? ugh...really people. i hate missing work, it makes me feel guilty and way behind on things, especially with parent/teacher conferences coming up.

over the weekend, i got a drunk text from an ex, who is now married. i dated him for like a month about 4 years ago when i was on a break from the Long Term Relationship. he was a nice guy, it ended because i decided to get back together with the ex. needless to say a couple months after we dated, Married guy moved to a different town. throughout the last 4 years, every couple months i would get random text messages from him saying he missed me and that he still thought about me all the time. i found out through friends that he eventually moved in with his girlfriend. when i asked him about it he said it "was for financial reasons only". okay, whatever. then i find out he's engaged, which he would never mention over his random 'miss you' texts. in july, he texted me saying he missed me and that he was at a bachelor party. well to find out, it was his bachelor party. a month later, he got married. i thought that would have been the last time i heard from him. but i was wrong. very early sunday morning i get a text message:

Married guy: Hey

Me: Hey, what's up?

MG: Nothing, I'm wasted.

Me: I figured as much, since you're texting me.

MG: Sorry for contacting you. I shouldn't have.

Me: Why?

MG: I'm married!! (let me remind you, he has never mentioned his engagement, or marriage in all the late-night 'miss you' texts)

Me: Then you should be apologizing to you WIFE, not me.

MG: Sorry for contacting you. My bad.

Me: Yea, your bad. Please delete my number.

MG: Later.

i don't get some people!! i haven't even seen this guy in 4 years, or led him on in any way, shape or form. at one point a couple years ago after some late night texts, i e-mailed him saying i would not be friends with him unless his girlfriend knew about it. he obviously didn't understand that. i feel bad for his wife, she probably has no clue how he has randomly texted me the last couple of years. he's a douche.

things like that happening is why i'm unsure if i even believe in marriage. some people are shady and very untrustworthy. that's my fear, that i will be married and my husband would cheat. in my Long Term Relationship, i got cheated on all the time. it was horrible. i always thought i could get past it and forgive and forget, but in reality that never happened. i just see so many relationships end because of people being unfaithful. Bison was married for about 2 years (i think), his wife cheated on him. i think it's amazing how he's willing to put his all into another relationship and be so trusting and to still believe in marriage. i was just in a shitty relationship and i'm not sure i believe in it. my parents got divorced when i was about 4, my sister got divorced after 1.5 years of marriage, my college roommate got divorced after 1 year on marriage...she's now 25, with one kid and on her second marriage. i honestly think i will be okay if i never walk down that aisle. i don't know, maybe someday someone will prove to me that marriage does actually work...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

just a click of a button...

okay, so i've been single for approximately 3 years. my last serious relationship lasted 6.5 years (on and off but mostly on), and let me just say was NOT a good relationship. over the last 2 months i've started hanging out with this guy, Bison, who i really like. he makes me laugh which is SO important to me, and he is a good, genuine person. i've been trying to get used the idea of having a "boyfriend". i hate labels, i think they are dumb. but when people ask if i have a boyfriend, i think i should start saying yes. and actually, the word itself kinda gives me a panic attack. Bison is great, he really is. the only problem is that he lives 2.5 hours away. some people think that's a good thing for me, since i do get sick/annoyed with guys very easily. i was at Bison's house last weekend, so i spent a total of 42 hours with him and didn't annoyed in the least. that was huge for me!! i don't want to hang out with other guys, and i definitely don't want him to be hanging out with other girls. so that would make him my "boyfriend", right?

so for the past week i've been thinking about changing my myspace status from 'single' (which is always has been, since i started myspace) to 'in a relationship'. today i sit down on the computer to do it and i freeze. my palms start sweating, hands start shaking and my heart is racing. i mean really, what is my problem?!?!? it's just a click of a button, not a ring on my finger.

over the last 3 years i have went on NUMEROUS dates, some good some bad. some of those dates even led me to hang out with that person for a couple weeks. but i have never even considered changing my status as i knew it wasn't going anywhere with those guys. like i mentioned, i like Bison a lot and can actually see myself with him for more than a month. i think i'm just terrified that i will end up getting hurt again or losing my independence. when i was in my long term relationship 3 years ago, i relied on my BF for everything and always planned things around him. over the last couple years i have become a independent person...i go to Christmas parties/weddings by myself and i love my alone time. i don't rely on anyone but myself. i think i'm scared that if i am in a relationship again, that indepedence that i've worked so hard on will go away. i know i just need to get over this because i would be so mad at myself if things with Bison went bad because of my lame issues. i may need therapy...